you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
