Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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