so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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