I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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