i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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