Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
