Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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