Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
