I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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