This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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