best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
