Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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