He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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