why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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