my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
