fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
