I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
