Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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