Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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