so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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