when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
