I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
