it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
