It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
