if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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