i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
