Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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