Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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