Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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