I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
smell my finger.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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