He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize