between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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