where am i from again
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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