I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
