As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
