I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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