my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize