the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
