i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize