is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
