the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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