Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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