my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
