this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize