I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
