The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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