You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
