My hand turned me down
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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