yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
