my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
