All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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