I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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