wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
