mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
