when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
