The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
