I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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