tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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