oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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