yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
