It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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