If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
