I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
