i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dignity is for republicans.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
