didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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